Depressed

So this is how it feels like..living without hope on sth that plays a major part in determining ur happiness

I knew it's tough..but i never feel that hopeless..fell and got up and fell and got up.. i was able to proceed regardless of billions of failure because there was still hope..but suddenly everything seemed like a lie..whenever i made new promise to myself i was actually hurting myself in a new way..

How to get up after falling down again? When there is no more new hope? I am not lazy..im just afraid..i dread the feeling of getting up and fight again with new hopes..i just can't take any disappointment again

How to get up and fight again when nobody can understand exactly how u feel? How to get away with the feeling of utter helplessness and hopelessness because u finally realise that no one in this world can help u? its not that no one wants to help me..there are people who are concerned..but they can't help much because they are not me..and i can't help much because im too weak

Who can help me and what should i do? What should i do when these questions are unanswered?

I know many people knew about my emo eating habit but they never know how it kills me..its like a drug addiction..drug addict has rehabilitation but how bout me? As an emotionally food addict, who and what can cure my addiction to food? Im tired of over eating and feeling guilty..even tired of people not understanding me..tired of gaining weight and trying to lose weight and gaining weight again..what reason should i give to myself to proceed in this battle? Who can understand and help me?