The way i eat is killing me

It is a Saturday afternoon..i havent succeeded in beating the crave for food mainly due to mood swing..havent even compensated for a quarter of the sleeping time that I had sacrificed for the life-ruining exam..im no difference from a total wreck during the exam..while my aim is to kick off the eating habit that has jeopardized my health..im skeptical now about the achievement of my "ambitious" plan of losing weight..

Thanks to my eating habit..i have gained weight continuously..i was trying to explain my overeat habit that was absolutely true but no one has truly believed it other than people that live with me under the same roof..the last time I had discipline was when I was in form 2..which was the peak of my career of keeping fit..a career which is moving along a downward sloping curve..I shall begin with describing how serious my indulgence in food could be..i admit I couldn’t take on much pressure perhaps because I would exert double the pressure on myself than the external one that I received..im an extremist..once I start biting I don’t stop because I have fulfilled my physical need but I stop either I have fulfilled my mental satisfaction..at times it’s hard to satisfy me mentally so I suffer stomachache and diarrhea because the forceful way of eating..i normally do this only at a familiar place like at my home and hostel..i normally do this when Im alone..n the worst is I feel the urge of eating the moment Im awake regardless of the time..which is unfortunately mostly at midnight..while my excuse of eating is to keep me awake esp to study..i often fall asleep after eating..which contributes to the extreme guilt that can drive me to workout at not so proper place (like staircase) to eliminate the feeling of full..while that happens the most during exam time..ironically that affects my progress of preparing for exams the most as I have to constantly eat and exercise and sleep and wake up and eat again and workout and fell asleep again……………….

Well that happens usually at home due to the sufficient storage of ready-to-eat food here..many people are skeptical to this statement mainly due to the not obvious weight gained as I live a active lifestyle( rather forced to-to avoid gaining weight tremendously thx to my eating habit) The most important reason is that I appear to be more disciplined in front of others which has somehow deceived them out of the truth..but I cnt help it..i try to avoid fattening food outside coz I noe I will overeat during exam time or when im alone at home..

I don’t satisfy with a small portion of tasty food..my brain usually send a signal of satisfaction after I consume a large quantity of food..so I rather go for healthy one..nt fattening one..sometimes even tasteless one..just to minimize the calories I consume coz I wont stop without reaching my maximum physical limit..the theory of eating everything is fine as long as its nt too much doesn’t apply to me..i appear to eat healthy coz I duno wat to do to control potential rapid weigh gain..i have been helpless to curb the extreme eating habit….for many years…I have been an emo eater..eating to release stress..relief pain in heart..eating as the 1^st thing I feel like doing after hoping out of bed..

It is a Monday afternoon..and Im here helpless and again..self blaming..to be exact..sick of self blaming as I did ‘that’ again..hahahahhahaha..i duno wat emotion should I show now..the nite b4 I insisted not to eat a special pan noodle coz I wanted to cut down carbohydrate(listen..oni cut down, not get rid of my diet completely)..irregularity killed me once again..i was so sleepy at 11pm that I marked mom’s exam paper like a 3 yr old scribbled on a drawing ppr..nodding off for more than haf an hr..fine..b4 tat I planned to sleep at parent’s room to avoid waking up at midnite bt I tot since I felt tat tired it should be fine..omg..1pm woke up..super energetic(as usual) decided to continue doing cpt research..den started to..u noe..u noe..eat..and eventually finish off omost the whole LOAF of Butterscotch..the one tat has gained popularity among my frens and even my dad..so now gd..i have finished off my dad’s breakfast or maybe lunch..ironic rite..the day b4 din even wanna consume a healthy bowl of noodle d midnite after tat eat way worse than tat..bread is d most deadly carbohydrate-based food..den as usual..more deadly..sleep..sleep after eating…hahahaha..ironic rite..din even wana sleep when I was supposed to..wake up aftr 2 hrs of slep..bt when I shouldn sleep(sleeping after eating is the num 1 way if u wana gain weight) den I wake up at 5sth..hahaha..eat again..den slep again…..hahahha…tats my life..for many years..serious guilt everytime after doing this..nver a good mood evtime Im not normal..if u eat 3 meals a day and have a gd sleep at nite..u r the one im envy of..coz I cnt even do a simple thg lidat..y??y?? Even my mom couldn’t understand..everyone cnt understand..even mysef cnt understand..mom scolded me..y cnt control?nobody can help u except ursef..bt I cnt help mysef..y am I two different person at different time..and its never ending..she to Im kinda sleep walking and sleep eating but im sure im not..im alert all the time..i can gif thousands of reasons y shouldn’t I eat when im normal..im working hard on it..but I can give thousands of reasons y should I eat when I eat uncontrollably..and I ruined all my effort..

Apart frm tat..despite controversies..i insist that cut down on carbohydrate realy helps to lose weight(although I hav failed)plz dun stick to the tinking of old pyramid..now we hav modern pyramid..carbohydrat shouldn’t be consume tat much anymore..below is the advise given by some sort of nutritionist..bout ways of losing weight..and I juz cnt understand these ppl..when they c I dun take rice they think I gt zero carbohydrate in my diet..if it is so easy to get rid of carbohydrate do u tink ppl stil wana try to cut down??carbohydrat is everywhere..sugar..fibre..fruit lk banana..non-meat like potato, pumpkin..omost everythg tat u tink dun contain carbohydrate contain carbohydrate..esp processed food..n packet milk tat I drink evday..pick up any packet of food in supermarket and c the nutrition content..99%u may c carbohydrate stated ther..take Dutch Lady low fat milk as eg..250ml of milk contains 12.8g of carbohydrate way more den 8.5g of protein contained..so r u gona belief now?? Juz lk ppl asking how u get vit D holding umbrella so often??..aiyo..sunlight is everywhere la..even I sit at home oso sunlight can penetrate into my room thru window..juz tink tat way for evthg..ok?im tired of explaining..

This applies to the situation when I try to cut down amount of food consumed..when ppl see that Im eating in a way tat is different from them they would start to complain tat I have aneroxia or sth..bt guess wat? Tat coz I realy cnt control my desire to eat so I just wana eat in a way tat I wont get fat so easily..but I never stop eating or try not to eat..i cnt survive without eating..and worse still I juz cnt stop without eating a lot..so im trying alternative..nt coz willingly..and tats a last resort..of coz I pretty hope tat I cn eat normally without all those ‘weird’ method..tats d day when I can get rid of my overeat habit..and d habit of eating at midnite..but when is d day cuming?? Somebody plz help me..i knew everyone would say tat im d oni who can help but I stil hope tat someday ther’ an angel or sth tat helps me to eat normally..juz to eat normally..

1. Reduce carbs. We have found that it's almost impossible to lose weight and keep it off without eating substantially fewer carbohydrates, particularly those with a high glycemic load (GL). As we discussed in "Carbohydrates and the Glycemic Load," consumption of high-GL carbohydrates leads to a desire for more carbohydrates.

Eating a low-carbohydrate, low-GL diet will help you control your appetite and decrease cravings. You'll feel full sooner, you'll find it far easier to stop eating once you're satisfied, and you'll find yourself less hungry between meals. If you are trying to lose weight, we recommend you keep total carbohydrates under one-sixth of your calories and eliminate all high-GL carbohydrates such as sugary foods, pastas, and breads.

By Tracee Cornforth, About.com

P/s: Sorry my dear friend..i knew that u think for my benefit..but im not as disciplined as u..and not as rational as u..i dunno since when im a high profile emo person..can be very rational dealing with business but not my personal life..even studying before exam also affected by mood severely..time to change?? Yaya but how?? Haiz

Dr Santha’s comment: Mixing all tenses and poor language shown..

Me: Dun care dun care..i juz cnt accept I hav to care that much even im nt doing for ESL..