Rising up

Getting help and be concerned about make u feel that u are not alone..in the process of struggling for the right direction to proceed..thank you for the patience, the book, the comments on FB and the text massages..

Rising up soon

Ganbare

Its Now or Never

After almost 6 years of struggle..im totally exhausted..i need a breakthrough..its now or never..

Depressed

So this is how it feels like..living without hope on sth that plays a major part in determining ur happiness

I knew it's tough..but i never feel that hopeless..fell and got up and fell and got up.. i was able to proceed regardless of billions of failure because there was still hope..but suddenly everything seemed like a lie..whenever i made new promise to myself i was actually hurting myself in a new way..

How to get up after falling down again? When there is no more new hope? I am not lazy..im just afraid..i dread the feeling of getting up and fight again with new hopes..i just can't take any disappointment again

How to get up and fight again when nobody can understand exactly how u feel? How to get away with the feeling of utter helplessness and hopelessness because u finally realise that no one in this world can help u? its not that no one wants to help me..there are people who are concerned..but they can't help much because they are not me..and i can't help much because im too weak

Who can help me and what should i do? What should i do when these questions are unanswered?

I know many people knew about my emo eating habit but they never know how it kills me..its like a drug addiction..drug addict has rehabilitation but how bout me? As an emotionally food addict, who and what can cure my addiction to food? Im tired of over eating and feeling guilty..even tired of people not understanding me..tired of gaining weight and trying to lose weight and gaining weight again..what reason should i give to myself to proceed in this battle? Who can understand and help me?

This is not a defamating post=P

On one fine day on August, something interesting catched my eyes. 'A STUDENT protester has been turning heads on Wellington Rd with his one-man stand against Monash University' (Waverly Leader)..Despite the curiosity,I neither asked around nor tried to find out what was happening..he was there almost everyday in the beginning..then he appeared less frequently after 2 months..i have decided to snap a photo..im not a keen photographer but i cant miss this kinda interesting things right..what surprised me was that he could do that for so long without having any action taken against him from either Monash or the local authority

2 months later i realised i have the photo of him with the sign..still curious on what happened..i looked out on Google (thats what i do everytime i have some random curiosity)..i found out that it was reported as a news on Waverly Leader..

According to the news,

Mr Voutier, who deferred his studies this year, said his protest began when the university refused to enrol him at its Malaysian campus because, he alleged, he was not seen as a “model student”.

“What has happened has completely shocked and bewildered me,” Mr Voutier said.
“I believe everyone on this planet to be equal and if I have a worthy criticism of something I’m going to give it. I’m not going to be belittled or put in the too-hard basket.”
The 48-year-old beekeeper acknowledged he had “minor” disagreements with university staff both at Monash’s Caulfield campus and its Prato campus in Italy.

But he was denied access to documents detailing the reasons behind his refusal, which he had tried to obtain through Freedom of Information laws, and thus his evening peak-hour protest began.

Mr Voutier said he “did not know how to fight the powers” other than through a peaceful protest and a VCAT hearing that is under way.

“One thing is for sure, I’m going to keep this up and give it everything I can,” he said.
A local police officer was asked if Mr Voutier was breaching any laws with his one-man protest.

“Nah, he’s fine. Good luck to him,” the officer said.

The news attracted two comments. One commenters thought that he was wasting his time and could have used his time to 'ask the Uni. how a "model student" should behave, and then do according to the Uni's standard to gain entrance to the Malaysian campus'.

Another commenter admire his courage and thought that he was the one of the very few people who could stand up for what believed was right.

When i decided to post this on my blog i have many concerns..for eg, will Monash sue me for defamation? Will i infringe copyright because i used a pic and information from a news website? This is a sponteneous reaction of a law student..if u think a person can know more of their rights when they do law..it is not entirely right..after learning law we realised that so many things that we may do or have done in our daily life..whether deliberately or recklessly..can constitute offences..hence our lives get retricted by the worries of legal consequences

Post-Winter

Latest song of addiction: Terrified by Katherine McPhee

Sue Shan shared the MV on FB..i thought it was the time for a new addiction..so i watched the video..then got hooked on it..listening for 24/7 now

Im a extremist..when i like something..i will be with it all the time..till i get sick of it..and get rid of it..this applied expecially to songs and food..

Winter has gone..i thought I would be living in a paradise..but nothing is perfect..why can't things just turn at least better rather than having new problems replacing old problems?
Maybe life is meant to be balanced..balanced with things that could cheer us up and things that annoy us

Although im not suffering having to shiver in the room anymore..
Although im not suffering winter blue that could make me emo all the time anymore..
Although i no longer have to dread the moment of coming out from indoor because of the big difference in the temperature..

Its so sunny now that i have to worry about my skin and be the 'umbrella' gal again
Its so sunny now that i have to apply sunblock but i keep forgetting coz still not used to the fact that its no longer winter now
I sweat so easily that walking and exercising is no longer a dry and pleasant experience now
Many areas of my skin are swollen and red (which is ugly when the skin is exposed)..suspected that i have been bitten by mosquitoes although i have yet to see one
Keep forgetting to apply deodorant..haven't been applying for months when it was cold
My bathroom get flooded easily because the water just can't flow into the drain..i hate taking shower when i have to scoop water out for 15 mins after taking shower!!! (This is irrelevant to the weather but coincidently it happens right after winter)

Haiz..what to do..life is never perfect..i should keep reminding myself of how suffered i was during winter..so that i would be grateful now

law

This is another pre-productive hour..slacking as usual..

When u feel inferior being with all ur course mates..what should u do?
When u feel that u will feel more inferior at workplace in the future..what should u do?

Why am i taking law? I don't feel being myself when im studying law..i don't feel being myself when im communicating with law students..i doubt my capability when im in law classes..

And i have another 3 years of life that i will dedicate to law..and maybe more years after that..

About two weeks and a half to exams now..and i feel that im just escaping from the reality..

When people are complaining about their 'low' marks that are much higher than mine..
When i can't contribute much when law students are talking..
When i don't even look like, think like, feel like a law student..
I just can't stop feeling that i suck

By the way..this is just the usual emotional moment..in the end i still have to roll up my sleeves and start facing the music..should i say..face the statute instead? coz im doing law?

Well this is just my subjective view..have to clarify this in case someone want's to sue me for misleading them..this is just what some people are feeling..feeling that they don't suit the world that they are in now..but so many other people are doing well

Someone tell me i can do it? Even then i still can't stop doubting myself..oh man..please be more optimistic

Some people

Some people are so used to keep most of the feelings inside, because they don't wanna spoil people's day by expressing their unsatisfaction..because they think that people have their own problems..its not good to add problems to others..or most of the time they just think that the feelings are so indescribable that people may not understand..

Some people are just not the cheerful type of people that could make everyone around them to laugh wholeheartedly..hence they are worried that people would feel bored being with them..because they worry about people's feelings and thoughts too much, they appear to be unhappy all the time..

Some people are the not-very-smart-people that are surrounded by bright and confident people..they may need 10 days to complete a task..and end up getting a result that is the same as people who only do the same task a night before..they wonder why they need so long time for the same thing? They doubt their capability..but not many people understand why they need to take longer time to complete a task..people thought taht they are nerd or paranoid..

Some people just have too much thoughts and feelings..a minor unfortunate event can affect their feelings..a small mistake can make them feel guilty for a long time..on the other hand..a small help can make them feel thankful for the whole day..a kind concern can keep them happy for the whole day

They are just so many types of people in the world..

when people act differently and think differently..

Instead of judging them at the first instance..
Instead of pointing fingers immediately..
Instead of disliking them..

Can we give ourselves some time to think of the reasons behind everything? Can we ask ourselves whether we have spent sufficient time to understand them?

Aggresive bird

Housemate: i dun wanna go out from the house!!! Im so freaking scared!!! I screamed like hell whenever the bird came near me!!!
Housemate: It is dark now!! Please tell me the bird is not on shift now

Me: I have never get attacked by the bird!!! Hahaha(laught at housemates)

Not long after that i got attacked..then i started to use shopping bags or books to cover my head

Me: The bird never come near me when i use things to cover my head!!! Hahaha (proud)

Not long after that the bird almost pecked on my head although i have something above my head

Me: Yes!!! The bird never comes to me again because i use umbrella when i am at the 'dangerous spot

Housemate: OMG i wanna kill the bird man!!! Why don't the council people just kill the bird!!! Do they wan something serious to happen before they could take action??!!!

Me: I saw an old lady fell down after attacking by the bird!!

Morton street residents: i have called the council but the authority said that there is nth that they can do..

On one fine day i decided to do research..thus i went to my favourite website, Wikipedia =P

Then created a note on Facebook, it reads:

A small percentage of magpies become highly aggressive during breeding season from late August to early October, and will swoop and sometimes attack passersby.

Eg of behaviours to drive off intruders: swoop in from behind or the side and audibly "snap" their beaks or even peck or bite at the face, neck, ears or eyes, or rarely, dive-bomb and strike the intruder's (usually a cyclist's) head with its chest.

Magpie attacks can cause injuries, typically wounds to the head and particularly the eyes, with potential detached retinas and bacterial infections from a beak used to fossick in the ground. A 13-year-old boy died from tetanus, apparently from a magpie injury, in northern New South Wales in 1946. Being unexpectedly swooped while cycling is not uncommon, and can result in loss of control of the bicycle, which may cause injury.In Ipswich, a 12 year old boy was killed in traffic while trying to evade a swooping magpie on 16 August 2010.[89]

Protective measures:

Wearing a broad-brimmed or legionnaire's hat or using an umbrella will deter attacking birds, but beanies and bicycle helmets are of little value as birds attack the sides of the head and neck.Eyes painted on hats or helmets will deter attacks on pedestrians but not cyclists.[91] Attaching a long pole with a flag to a bike is an effective deterrent. As of 2008, the use of cable ties on helmets has become common and appears to be effective. Magpies prefer to swoop at the back of the head; therefore, keeping the magpie in sight at all times can discourage the bird. Another popular way to deter these birds is to put two fingers pointing out from the back of the head when walking in close range; this confuses them. Once attacked, shouting aggressively and waving one's arms at the bird should deter a second attack.

If a bird presents a serious nuisance the local authorities may arrange for that bird to be legally destroyed, or more commonly, to be caught and translocated to an unpopulated area. Magpies have to be moved some distance as almost all are able to find their way home from distances of less than 25 km.Removing the nest is of no use as birds will simply breed again and possibly be more aggressive the second time around.

And these are all the comments:

• • Jean Kee Mew wear cyclist helmets and skiing glasses.or take a a scare crow with you

    
    
  • Boon Chia Yang Lol I thought something wrong with me when I thought a bird is swooping towards me (attack). I guess im not perasan lol ~~

    September 26 at 11:09pm ·
  
  
  • Miki Teh If a bird presents a serious nuisance the local authorities may arrange for that bird to be legally destroyed, or more commonly, to be caught and translocated to an unpopulated area.
    I LIKE THIS IDEA!!! WAT NO SHOULD I CALL???????

    
    

    Leong Chun Hoong I was attaked by one juz yesterday !! Was cycling nearby my house and suddenly a bird juz dived down and pecked at my helmet. It was scratched but luckily I din get injured. Paddled as fast as i can to flee from the scene. Pheww !!

    
    
  • Ridhuan Kamal too many humans disturbing their life cycle, they are just protecting their nests... who to point the finger at?

From news to me

News from Kuala Kangsar, Malaysia

A 5 year-old boy died with his head trapped in between a table's legs..his scream of pain was ignored as his 27 year-old father thought it was normal for an active boy like him to scream

One of the comments read:

Making babies is easy, caring for them wholeheartedly is something parents seems to be failing miserably nowadays



I agree with this..so many young parents nowadays..were they prepared to be parents before they are? For me..childhood is the golden period of one's life..if I dun have a great childhood..i will spend my older days regretting it..and there is no turning back..are u prepared to give ur child a wonderful childhood before having one? Can u ensure that ur child will have fond memories of their childhood when age spots develop on their skin?

However I also think that its so though to be the perfect parents that everybody demand them to be..its so hard to draw a line between over-protectiveness and irresponsibilities..Im glad that my mom has done the perfect balance..never ask too much of my personal things..that makes me glad to take initiative to share my stories..no strict curfew..but whenever i goes back too late she will make me guilty (unintentionally) by staying awake to wait for me (when she is supposed to sleep much earlier)..the best thing is..she never exert any pressure on me..its me who is always stress up myself..and she has to remind me just to do my best

I remember sharing this in Lifegroup on Mother's Day..when i said this to everyone..my tears were lingering in my eyes..and after the sharing session we sang Celion Dion's 'Because You Love Me'..and i tried so hard not to cry (well i feel touched very easily)

Of coz my dad is equally good..i dun have to talk to my parents as if they are my superior..although the way i talk to them seems a bit impolite..but that's because im too close to them..for me..politeness create distance among people (thats only apply to family members, bf and maybe super bestie)..our way of communciation..makes me feel really like me

What better things that i could ask for when i have such a good family and such a great childhood?

Spring=Sinus=(

This is the pre-productive hour..Whenever i wanna start studying/doing tute questions/doing assignment etc..my little stubborn and rebellious heart objects soundly..so i have to waste an hour on facebook, hotmail, my monash( yes, despterately looking for mails just because i dun wanna start my work yet), news(sometimes), friends' blog and my blog..till i finally feel the strong guilty and start doing something useful(unwillingly)

I meantioned before that i love spring..but kinda felt cheated in the beginning of the spring..wore less thick jacket out but the strong chilly wind blew..ouch..chill all the way to my spine..when i was cursing that the so called spring wasnt a spring..i overheard a girl asking: 春天在哪里？(where is the spring)..agreed with her instantly

What worst is that..my sinus came back!!! ARGHHHHH...day and night..at home or at uni..i have to keep blowing and blowin my nose..in the middle of the night i have to wake up to rush to the toilet to 'release the rebellious mucus from my nose'..can't sleep well because of nose drip..taking medication and heaps of vit c tablet but i havent stopped being tortured by sinus..someone told me its normal during spring..when flowers release pollens..i didnt know my nose is allergic to pollen too!!! Why?? When i finally get to enjoy the warmer weather..another part of my body goes wrong!!!

So i gonna survive the spring with a seemingly swollen red nose..this remind me of the song..Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer..thats one of my favourite song that i have sung for carolling a few years ago

Politics?

Had a Raw lecture yesterday..yeah your eyesight hasn't deteriorated and it wasn't a typo..i just had a RAW(Research and Writing) Lecture yesterday..and while the lecturer was talking two girls giggled with earphones on and eyes staring at the laptop screen..

Lecturer asked: Facebook?

But then we realised they were following the election counting closely

And it heated up the class atmosphere

Few minutes later one of the girls shouted: Yes, Gillard!!

And there goes Australia's 1st female Prime Minister(Julia Gillard as shown in the pic)..congrats!!

The Labor Party won 72 seats and the Coalition won 73 seats before the 3 independents casted their votes to the Labor..so the Labor won by just 2 seats..

Well i wasnt interested about politics in Australia at all till i read an email from dad one day:

Australia has its first female Prime Minister one day..who knows one day u will be the first female Prime Minister? haha..just joking

At that instant the only thing in my mind was:

Dad can u don't joke with this? DO u know that i have failed a test and an assignment and are struggling to get all my units past for this Sem? I have no time and no courage to have this dream!!

Well i admit that im always lack of confidence but i just don't hope my parents have any high hopes on me..Eventually i did not fail any unit last Sem but im still struggling this Sem..this is the sad story of a not very smart,easily distracted, unable-to-focus-on-studies-law student living in a big big competitive world

Anyway this post isnt for how sad the story of a law student could be..but about Australian politics..

I shamefully admit that i only knew about Julia Gillard after reading my dad's email..gone are the days when i would flip through newspapers at least few time a weak..i have forgotten about the existent of newspapers since i came to Australia (save papers, save trees,save money for food)..i could have read news online but my fingers would automatically type 'f' whenever i go online and miracously the facebook page would pop up within 2 seconds..my fingers were never trained to type 'news' in the google search column

Then one chilling morning at 5am i walked out of my house to the train station..not knowing the 'politics' that i gonna get involved..well i went for the Power Shift Summit at Geelong from 14 to 15 August..i thought it was a completely environmental thing..expected very little of political elements..however..

On the 1st day, i found myself dozing off all the time in all the workshops (not my fault coz dozing off easily is my nature)..all the workshops are designed for people who are passionate in climate issues to pick up some skills to promote the awareness on the importance of 'green votes'..federal election was approaching at that time so the main issues were how to influence the voters and the politicians so that they support environmental policies..

On the next day three politicians from Labor, Liberal and the Greens were on stage for a panel discussion..the passion of the kids and the teenagers on politics heated up the atmosphere..The defensive Liberal rep talked like an iron lady..keep attacking other parties during her speech..she was criticised the most..someone critised her for attacking other politicans too much..another asked those who thought Liberal's policy was bullshit to raise their hands..in response most of the kids and the teenagers rose their hand up in the air..there were non-stop booing and cheering when the politicians spoke..it was interesting..i have never really got involved in sth like this..even though i was only an observer all the time..even though i felt odd as i wasnt even eligible to vote..it was really fun looking at the arguments and the expressions..despite being teased and challenged harshly..the politicians remain calm..if this situation was in some other countries i might haven been dead under random chairs or tables thrown by some politicians

Later we went to the street to "make some noise"with all kinds of musical instruments..we shouted some environmental slogans to attract the attention of the people..at the same time we handed out some election scorecards(a list of green policies each parties supported) to the voters..the highlight was the moment we stepped into a shopping centre..shopkeepers, shoppers stuck their eyes on us with scorecards on their hands..screaming, the security guard was trying to stop us in vain

Back to Melbourne..i started to follow the elections..handed out some score cards by my own and discussed about the election with a fren (who is a PR and was gonna vote)

I didnt really get involved in Australian politics but the events drew me closer to it..our effort did not go wasted as The Greens got quite a number of seats which means the voices which are fighting for the environment are gonna be louder..good job everyone!!

P/S: This is not a blog post with critical political comments..its just an account of the relationship between me and the Australian politics..Well im concerned about politics a little but im just not knowledgeable and critical enough to be a critic..therefore i never talk much about it

Julia Gillard said that she hope every little girl who sees her on TV would say that:

One day i wanna be like her!!!

P/S: I wont be that 'little gal' daddy!! (my parents did not really have high expectation on me..we were just kidding)

Floody and Muddy

This is not a picture to reflect the actual condition of the flood in Benalla but just for exaggeration purpose!!! =P

100 people forced to flee as rising lake splits Benalla

This was one of the headlines on the Age..one of the popular newspapers in Australia

Guess what? i might be one of the 100 people!!!

Broken River hit the major flood level..A swollen Lake Benalla split the city..this was the first time i was not merely reading the stories of some random unfortunate strangers on the news..but i was one of the unfortunate victims myself!!!

I have spent three days two nights at a place which is 3 and a half hours driving distance from Melbourne..fed my hands with dirt and immersed myself in mud..working hard to restore natural habitat..and there we were attacked by the nature itself..

Why? I'm really passionate about environmental issues..no whys..its our mother earth..the urge of protecting it is within me for so long..i can't bare thinking about our children breathing polluted air everyday..i can't bare imagining the landfill as high as mountains just because humans don't bother to recycle..i can't bare looking at the greeneries..the blues..the wonders of the nature..being destroyed day by day just because we think that they are none of our business!! Why can people ignore all the changes around them? Why can people think that they are here just to live,enjoy and die and let the people affected live suffer and die?

Just because we don't see it now..just because we don't feel it now..we could just pretend that nothing will happen and everyone will live happy ever after and call the environmentalist paranoids???!!!

We love the fairy tales in which the prince and the princess live happily ever after..but if the animals are dying..plants are withering..when we are surrounded by man-made mountains made of rubbish..can the prince and princess live happily ever after?

I just can't bare all these..so no matter how muddy the tree planting site was..no matter how boring the journey was..no matter how bad the weather treated us..i have no regrets spending three days just to plant trees despite the heavy workloads of my course..to do something..just to do something..for the nature..

Rain..flood..mud..worms..nothing unpleasant could stop us..the most memorable moment is the time when we looked back and got amazed by how many seedlings we have planted..how many lives we have brought..and how many hopes we have left behind..

I joined the Monash Biological Society for the Regent Honeyeater Tree Planting Project..i was honoured to be the only law students among all the science students in the group..the tree planting plan goes on every fortnights on weekeds..

Check the website for more information about the project

http://regenthoneyeater.org.au

soyonara, fuyu (bye, winter)

Winter is gone!!!

The toughest moment has gone..like the feeling of anticipating something good when u have experienced the worst..i feel victorious..i feel satisfied..im proud of my endurance..nonetheless..its not that good when u know that the best will leave u again and the worst will for sure great u someday..its like a never ending process..a vicious circle..just like my emo eating symptom..just like the long, boring journey from Morton Street to Uni and from Uni to Morton Street everyday..just like a long distance relationship

Winter is kissing goodbye!!!

Finally I am

Wearing less

Eating less(hopefully)

Paying less electricity bill

Enjoying outdoor activities more (Yayy!!)

But

i love everything about the fact that winter is gone except the fact that i have to wear less now and leave my big tummy unconcealed!!! arghhhhh

half a year in Melbourne

Not my typical blog..at such a busy moment..pictures speak a thousand words

Went to Deakin University in Geelong for Powershift ( a summit where all the young environmentalists gather)..didnt sleep well on the days before..dozed off at every workshops..that was so shameful..during lunch break..explored the Uni alone..went to a lab secretly..it was a place for the future architects to display their unfinished models

Chinese culture in Deakin? Nice and huge model

Walk back from Clayton town again..it was 6sth in the evening and the sun was still visible..for the last few months it would have been very dark at this time..weather turns warmer..i actually enjoyed walking with just a thin cardigan!!! I have conquered the worst and the better future is approaching!! Spring is here..the moments of bidding stress farewell and flying back to my home sweet home is near!!

Captured it on the way back from Clayton town quite some time ago..what was the shoe doing there!!! =P

horse=me

An Englishman and a Scotsman were discussing oats. The Englishman, with his nose in the air said "In England we feed oats to our horses, and in Scotland you feed oats to your men...", to which the Scotsman replied "...that's why in England you have such fine horses and in Scotland we have such fine men!" (quoted from a website)


SO..whats so great about this horse and this oat? Hhm..i was born in the year of horse..and recently i have been eating like a horse

Well..im just lazy..incorrigibly lazy..lazy to cook and even to boil egg and to wash fruits..actually to be exact..im extreme..unbelievably extreme..whenever i try to cook for 3/4 meals..i finish the food that im supposed to keep for days at once..so what is the point of spending so much time cooking when u can have more time to blog? when i realised that i used up hrs to cook just to survive for a meal..i resorted to eating raw food and snacks instead..well im extreme as i am a big eater..i can eat the amount of 3 meals or more for a meal..then try to skip the next meal..the over storage of food in my stomach can sustain me for at least half a day..im extreme because once i cook i have to take min 3 hours to max half a day..just because i like to put too much effort on it..and often ended up with tremendous amount of food..so i gave up..

I have not been cooking for a very long time..if u have read my first post from australia..the one that has shown my excitement over the opportunities to cook..hhm..that is not me anymore..and i dun cook at all except the day when i have to cook for my life group (we have pot luck dinner every fri prior to the weekly meetings)..i used to eat out everyday for more than a meal..but not anymore..what do i eat? someone cooks for me? someone asked..who? i asked in return..u?

hhm..i have been eating like animals..mostly raw food and snacks (I assume that human need balanced diet so im not qualified to be one in terms of eating)..but i seldom consume fruits now because i have to spend time washing them (apples) and cutting them (oranges, kiwis)..well..so sorry to disappoint u..i seldom eat fruits..and i dun eat vege (common sense!!! i have to cook if i wanna eat vege..and raw vege doesnt taste nice) so what do i eat? well i told ya so many times!! i have been eating like a horse

sometimes i eat like a squirrel

Besides, i drink milk as though 70% of my body is made up of milk

I feed myself with all these "convenient" food all the time..and because they are convenient and i have them stocked up at home..i eat them in a tremendous quantity because i always thought that im bottomless

i just munch and munch and munch non-stop until i realised that im inflating my stomach like a ballon..unfortunately i can't deflate it at anytime that i wish..so i stop before the bursting sound scare my housemates from their nightmares (yes i do eat at midnight sometimes when everyone else is dreaming..i prefer them to stay at their haunted house or continue jumping off from a building rather than waking up thinking that their house is exploding)

well..if u still think that's healthy (which is a popular misconception)..no fruits no vege..no rice..no proper dishes..i may be healthy if i were an animal (be it a horse or a squirrel..although i would prefer a horse..because? i told ya!!! i born in the year of horse)

Unfortunately im a human..




so what happend to me?



















well u can call that self-torturing..emo eating..over eating..eating disorder..or just lazy!!! wateva..but sadly its my life now

P/S: just realised im not exactly eating like an animal..at least an animal knows how to stop when it feels full

Moot Competition

Walked out from a "court" feeling reborn

That was my facebook status yesterday night..felt so dead throughout the process of preparing for moot..for days i was sitting still, staring at the computer screen as though my world was confined to the little space, as though i have nothing else in my life besides cases..i ate non stop as though i would get out of the boredom and stress by munching food..as though eating was the only evidence that i was living..

My team mates and I..we were panic for getting lost amidst billions of cases..we were helpless for not getting sufficient support..we were asking each other what to do as the future seemed so gloomy..yet we had to support each other with comforting words

Tried not to sleep or to sleep late but i couldn't..food, chewing gum,shower..all sorts of methods couldnt keep me awake..i felt asleep while chewing gums..waking up..realising that the gums stuck all over my hair and palms (yucks)..and hating myself for delaying the research process

My pretty-gal-team and our honourable judge

I dressed like a guy!!! Yucks i know that..i am particular about dressing but these few days i lost my dress sense!!! Arrgh!! COld weather has made me wrapped myself like a dumpling..and busy lifestyle has made me given up on dressing nicely..and my untidy fringe!!! arghhh!!

While i was doing research like a dog..my housemates were laughing like crazy watching drama and enjoying conversation..i asked myself "wth am i doing?"

However torturing the process seemed to be..it was my choice to get involved in it and i could taste the satisfaction of making so much effort and trying my best to fight for the imaginative client..but will i make this as my career? Hell NO!!! i will lose everything that is wonderful in my life..and most importantly!! I can't survive a day without moving around or exercising..sitting for whole day researching is a NONO!!! (Im still wondering why am i doing law) Didnt move much for 3 days made me felt like im a corpse

But thats me..can't take stress but like to make my life stressful..its either i torture myself with workloads or i cry out of boredom..no moderate lifestyle sorry..im extremist!!!

Oh yeah..forgotten about the result..yeah we lost the 1st round..but im happy that one burden has gone..and i can now concentrate on other things on my long to-do-list now =P

Started today with a thankful heart just because it rained before I woke up..and I came up with the brilliant of taking my clothes in yesterday after only 3 hours of hanging them outside!! If I was lazy and left the clothes outside they would have been all wet!!!Woo hoo!! Just a simple thing but great enough for me to be glad about!!! Life is wonderful when I think in a simple way..its good for “simple minded” person like me XD

But dun underestimate rainy days in Melbourne..its frustrating when u have to hang u clothes outside for a week because of the rain..drizzles..isolated showers..hail..etc..whateva..sometimes the clothes were dried but I was just too lazy to take in and decided to take them in the next morning..and AGGHHHHHHHHH..it rained in the next morning..leaving me regretting my laziness..

randomly found a romantic pic

which has the setting of a rainy day :P

Jogged in the rain yesterday..it was not heavy enough to stop me..you are wrong if u think that im such a hardcore jogger..i just ate too much and felt guilty so I didn’t wanna stop before the bloated feeling subsided

First time realizing that a rainy day in Australia could be that adorable..it was when we saw the beautiful rainbow along the Great Ocean Road..not once but so many times in a day..

I shall end the blog with a grateful heart..thanks for the fact that I could eat normally in the Church and did not overeat in the morning..thanks for the fact that I did not eat at midnight and managed to return to sleep after waking up in the wee hours..happiee..thank kiu

Its good to be normal..please let me be everyday..its the simplest yet hardest thing that I could wish for..

How are you

How are you? Typical Australian's greeting..just because its a question that i may be asked everyday and everywhere..i have got myself a standard answer, which is "good,thanks!!"..I know its so dull..i should get something like.."wow, my life is great!! hows urs?" or" never been better" etc..i was told that when Australians ask this they don't expect u to answer..so the "correct" answer should be "good, how are you?"..i have been telling myself to respond using the "correct answer" but somehow the boring "good,thanks" had stuck in my brain that i can't make myself to reply with somethingelse..

It sounds like a dull greeting..even a stupid question..because people would always give the standard answer "Im good" even though they may not feel that good..the answer doesnt reflect people's thoughts and feelings that well


Soon i realised i have joined the "Hi, how are you" gang..it sounds boring when u merely listen to the words..but this is a greeting that is meant for people to feel not only to listen..it has a deep meaning behind it..people ask this not because they wanna know how you are..people ask "how are you" because they wanna express their concern..because they are happy to meet you..because they hope your life is wonderful..when i ask this question i actually have an answer in my mind..

i hope that your life is good..this is what i hope to hear from you..but in case it is not..i hope to let u noe that im here to cheer u up and brighten you day..whatever difficulties that you are facing..lets just forget about it even for this minute..face me..life is good so enjoy it and live it to the fullest!!!

This seems to be my very personal interpretation of the simple greeting..it may not mean the same for others..but if you do hear this greeting from me..that means i am really happy to see you and am concerned about you..hope you are healthy and happy always..it may be simple but its from the bottom of my heart

Had a wonderful winter break..but


Arghhhh..slacked blogging for more than a month..guilty >_<>


Attended an information session about Human Rights Internship..embarassed as I realized that the internships are for law students who had completed many core subjects..they are not for a first year student like me..previous interns shared their experience in working for human rights in New York and Durban..envious of them for getting such valuable experiences..getting into dilemma again..i am interested in helping people but the sayings about the gloom future in getting into this field struck me again and again..many of the seniors that I knew are planning to go corporate..what about me? Money and ambition are both important..i know how important money is to survive and to enjoy my live..esp I love travelling so much that not being well off would be an obstacle to travel all around the world..i need money to improve the life of people that I love..esp my parents..However at the same time I gain satisfaction in helping people..the only way that can make me feel that my life is worth living is by helping people..i always think that I am not smart nor talented..neither can i make a change to this world nor can I compete intensely to feel the usefulness of my existence in this world..the only thing that make me aware of my value is by helping people and contribute to society..im serious..influenced by drama series and real life stories..it seemed to me that I have to be either very smart or competitive to be successful..but I can't associate myself to both of them..thus I feel diffident and worthless..in law school..where everyone seems to be bright and capable..i feel the pressure..i question the point of my existence..i don't like to compete with people..but at the same time I want to be successful..but I dun feel satisfaction in studying and showing off my ability..the only way of feeling the contentment is by doing something that benefits someone in need..a smile of gratitude is like a shining star..the moment of knowing that someone get better off because of me is the moment when I acknowledge my own existence in the world..can I set this as the direction of my life?


Addicted to Hong Kong drama series although new SEM has started..now I have new addiction..reading Conan's Manga again..my passion towards Conan never dies..i don't have interest for any manga except to Conan..how strange is the chemistry that makes people fall in love like this..everlasting love..I was in love with it since many years ago..the passion never die..hehe
Kudou Shinichi..the great, cool, handsome detective..my imaginative bf..hehe..i lov uuuu!!!!! :P

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Im not mad..i was just wondering what other emotions I could have..1 more day to exam..i haven’t got a single case(out of about 200 cases)in my mind..yes..i only started to remember them 2 days before exam..i haven’t started memorising any principle and any case..and im blogging in the library..im blogging after the failing to figure out better things to do (other than eating and eating and eating and FBing which I have done for the past few hours)..oh yeah I have just finish stalking..online..which is my latest favourite pastime(just because I really can’t figure out what else to do, tried so hard to force myself to play online games but failed)..browsing people’s wall, blogs, pics..looking at my own pics over and over again..staring at my chubby face, fat belly in the pics (a result of both emo eating and stress-cause craving)..then started browsing the web for quick weight loss methods..started planning for next weight loss scheme..my study mood hates me so much that it doesn’t even want to come out right before the exam..and without compassion..let me step into the pond of failure..

hahahahahahahahaha..exam doesn’t only make me fail as a student..but fail as a person..when im becoming more like a nerd, fatter (non-stop craving..serious)..more prone to get emotional..oh yeah!! Im not entirely useless during exam time..im more hardworking in terms of updating my blog..stalking people on fb..leaving comments..downloading songs..contributing to economic growth in Australia(as I spend so much on food)………………hahahahahahahahaha..please stop that!!! Probably im sick of getting emo..and prefer hysterical laughter to represent everything!!! hahahahahahahhaha